The Price of Living
by SixPerfections
Summary: Even saints can commit great evil. Even great monsters can be kind. The world of Naruto isn't for the faint of heart. As for Kiyohime? She just wants to make with the science and save her dad. Honest. SI. Orochimaru's daughter.
1. Chapter 1

Nine months before, him and his team had been defeated in Amegakure by Hanzo the Salamander.

Nine months ago, he'd stumbled back into Konoha, desperate for any distraction after the horrors and the crushing defeat he'd been forced to endure in Amegakure.

Contrary to the image he himself promoted the fact was that he was, in fact, just as deeply affected by blood, death and misery as any other ninja was. Mental trauma affected him. The screams of the dying stayed with him. The bitter taste of defeat and the... fear of his mortality had grown during the war and refused to let him go.

In an effort to forget, he'd fallen into bed with some civilian woman who had practically thrown herself at him when he had been attempting to drown his troubles in a seedy bad. She had recognized him and as a famous Shinobi and as a student of the Hokage he was never short of willing bed partners. However, unlike his man whore of a teammate, he had never been one to partake of such offers. That night however, he had been hurting, and weak, and had wanted oh so much to do something that would make him feel alive again.

Nine months later, here was the result of his ill thought-out decision.

"Well?" demanded Tsunade, the expression on her face positively overflowing with schadenfreude, as she thrust the squirming bundle in her arms towards him while he kept his own arms tightly crossed. "Aren't you going to hold your daughter?"

Orochimaru made an expression of distaste as he tried to look at the bundle in Tsunade's arms without getting too close, lest she do something foolish like trying to force him to take the squirming child. Jiraiya, however, had no such compunctions about getting close. He shouldered right past Orochimaru like the rude clod he was and peered down at the infant with a look of glee and curiosity on his face.

Jiraiya let out a low appreciative whistle. "Wow, she looks almost exactly like you Oro-kun. Even if it wasn't for the blood test you had Tsunade run a dozen times you'd never get anyone to believe this wasn't your kid."

Yes, he'd had Tsunade run the blood test a dozen times. _After_ he had run the blood test a dozen times himself. It was far more irrational than he'd ever give himself credit for, but he had not been able to let go of the shred of hope that somehow there was some mistake. Enemy sabotage. Contaminated samples. Something that would explain why the paternity test kept coming back the way it wasn't supposed to again and again and again.

"Not that it really matters," said Tsunade just a tad viciously. "We'll never see her slut of a mother again."

That's right. Tsunade had an almost irrational dislike for civilian women. Who knew?

Jiraiya suddenly stilled, shooting his teammates a wary and suspicious look. "What do you mean? What did you two do to her mother?"

It was Orochimaru who answered almost nonchalantly. "I made it clear a single night of poor judgment wasn't going to chain a stranger and an obvious security risk to my... family."

At Jiraiya's continued dubious look Orochimaru made a small exasperated sound and had to make an effort to keep from rolling his eyes.

"I gave her enough money to live the rest of her life comfortably and made it clear she was never to set foot in Konoha ever again," Orochimaru said with a bored and put upon tone.

"I helped," added Tsunade cheerfully.

Yes, that had been quite amusing. The woman had almost wet herself when two of the three Sannin cornered her in a hospital room and explained to her how she was never going to have anything to do with the child she was carrying. Though she looked like she might protest at first in the end she hadn't uttered a single word of complaint. It was for the best really. Civilians had no business being involved in Shinobi matters.

"Right," said Jiraiya a little dubiously before wisely deciding to let the matter drop. Jiraiya turned back to the... _child..._ and stuck one of his fat, brutish fingers right in her face. Or at least that's what it looked like since Orochimaru still couldn't get a good look from this angle. "Though I suppose that means you'll have to find _somebody_ to breastfeed her. You wouldn't happen to be volunteering by any chance, would you Hime?" asked Jiraiya, looking up at Tsunade with a lecherous grin.

Tsunade's eyebrow twitched in irritation – and impending violence if history was any guide – but the bundle in her arms stayed her hand. After shooting Jiraiya a truly scathing glare – a 9 out of 10 in intensity, it was really quite good – she turned to him with irritation clear on her face. "Man up Orochimaru. Are you going to take your damn daughter or not?"

 _Do I have to?_ A tiny voice inside him said in a petulant manner he would die before ever voicing out loud.

Resigning himself to his fate he slowly walked up to Tsunade and held out his arms, his face carefully masking any trace of the discomfort he was currently feeling. With a gentless he didn't really associate with the Slug Princess she put the bundle in his arms before shooting Jiraiya another glare that promised violence as soon as they were outside of her precious hospital. Orochimaru tuned out their interaction as he risked a look down at the tiny person that was now in his arms.

She... did look like him. The little bundle in his arms had his coloring to begin with, a pale color that was nearly alabaster and would never tan. She had his straight black hair, already thick on her head even less than half an hour after her birth. She even had the tiny "fang" markings around her eyes, except they were green instead of purple. Last but not least were her eyes. Like his, they were slitted, the eyes of a serpent. Unlike his they were a pale, pale blue color. Almost ghostlike really.

The little bundle in his arms then looked at him and they locked eyes. Her pale blue orbs were bright and curious as they gazed up at him. Somehow it suddenly became harder to breathe. When was the last time he had seen eyes, so similar yet different from his own, staring back at him from another face?

 _My mother. Back when she had still been alive._ How... strange. He hadn't thought about her in years.

"Hey, did you hear me?" said Jiraiya, interrupting his musings.

"What?" snapped Orochimaru irritably, sending a glare in his teammate's direction.

"I said," Jiraiya asked with more patience and gentleness than he tended to give the brute credit for. "What are you going to name her?"

The question caught him flat footed. So much so that he blurted the first thing that came to mind. "I don't know?"

"You don't know?" said Tsunade, her voice rising with incredulity. "You've known a girl was coming for months now. How could you not have thought of a name?"

How indeed? It seemed such a basic thing when you were expecting a child. Think of a name. Truth was however, that for some reason... it had never crossed his mind. At least, not until this moment.

Still, he didn't enjoy looking the fool. He'd better come up with a name fast. The problem was that nothing that seemed fitting was coming to mind. How was he supposed to know what name was suitable for an infant he'd just met? After a few further moments of thought however inspiration struck.

"It wouldn't be unusual to name her after my mother... would it?" Orochimaru asked, almost to himself as his eyes were drawn back to the curious bundle in his arms.

"No," said Tsunade, her voice softening. "It wouldn't be unusual at all."

"Well," said Orochimaru, using one finger to slowly stroke the side of his daughter's face with a feather light touch. "Kiyohime it is then."


	2. Chapter 2

000

 **Chapter 2**

"I am so thrilled to meet her. I absolutely love kids, have I told you that?" Dan said excitedly as he walked besides her, complete with exhuberant hand gestures and an unnecessarily wide smile on his face.

Tsunade wasn't sure if her boyfriend's attitude made her want to scowl ferociously at him or smile, so instead she settled for sending him a glare that would have sent most Chunnin running for cover. True to form, however, Dan just chuckled sheepishly a bit before turning his enthusiasm down a notch. But just a notch. In the four months she had been dating him she'd learned that Dan was categorically incapable of fully containing his enthusiasm about things he was passionate about. Apparently "kids" could now be added to the list of things that could make Dan act like a little kid hopped up on caffeine.

She still couldn't quite decide if it was an endearing quality or not. Or so she kept telling herself anyway.

"I have no earthly idea why you'd be thrilled to meet Orochimaru's kid. You hardly know him and he's never exactly gone out of his way to be friendly to you."

"She's your goddaughter," Dan pointed out while giving her a wide, honest smile. "And she's important to you. I want to know you as well as I can, so that means I want to meet and get along with everyone that you care about."

 _Damn it_. This was why she both liked and hated Dan. Sometimes he'd just say and do things that would make her feel all _warm_ inside and send her heart aflutter. It put her off balance. It wasn't something she was used to, the lack of control. She had no desire to become one of those idiotic love struck women who seemed to lose all reason and basic fucking sense.

Clearing her throat Tsunade did her best to appear unaffected and unconcerned. Her tone turned teasing as she glanced at her boyfriend. "If that's the case then you'll have to win over Jiraiya and Orochimaru too. Good luck with that, since one of them hates your guts and the other would be far more interested in vivisecting you than making friends."

"I'm not worried," said Dan with casual confidence. "I'll win them over eventually. You're worth it."

 _Damn it, Dan._

"Why the sudden rush anyway?" Asked Dan suddenly, his tone curious. "It's not like you to simply leave the hospital in the middle of the day... even if things _are_ more quiet right now because of the lull in the war. Did something happen?"

At Dan's question her conflicted feelings gave way to something far more familiar: irritation, both in general and at two of the men in her former Genin cell in particular.

"Sensei sent me a message. He went to visit Orochimaru and was 'concerned' about some of the things he saw Kiyo-chan doing. Apparently Sensei thought that maybe there was something wrong with Orochimaru having Kiyo-chan helping him to dissect a cadaver, but since he wasn't a 'child development expert'," she said with air quotes and a mocking tone. "He wanted to get my professional opinion on the matter before saying anything."

Silence.

"The best part? Was he worried about any long term damage to the psyche of a child forced to deal with cadavers and the realities of death at a far too tender an age? No, of course not. How silly would _that_ be?" Tsunade said, her tone dripping sarcasm. "Instead since he knows that young children have weaker immune systems he was worried that she might, and I quote, 'catch some disease from playing with corpses.'"

Dan's face contorted into a pained expression of intense thinking, obviously trying to figure out how to communicate his thoughts on the subject without sounding like he was criticizing the Honorable Third. "The Hokage... he in an unparalleled warrior concerned with leading ninja in a time of war. Perhaps some of the... nuances of child rearing are not something he has the time for necessarily."

Tsunade made a derisive sound at that. "You do realize he's got two grown boys don't you?"

"Yes... but still..." said Dan, looking visibly pained at the - admittedly mild in the grand scheme of things - critique he was hearing of the leader of their village.

"But nothing. He's an idiot with children and let his wife raise both his own because he couldn't find the time, fine..."

Dan visibly winced at that and almost on reflex looked around to make sure they weren't being overheard. Tsunade for her part just kept going as if it weren't unusual to badmouth the Hokage out on the street where anyone could hear.

"... but Orochimaru doesn't have that kind excuse. He knows better than to let a kid Kiyo-chan's age into that kind of stuff. I know he does, because I made him read every credible book on child rearing and development I could get my hands on after she was born."

The more she talked about it, the more upset Tsunade was getting. Orochimaru's expediency could get in the way of his common sense sometimes. Sometimes Tsunade thought that the fact she had started taking the time to check in on them regularly was the only reason Kiyo-chan was still alive, even if various hired help did the actual caring for her godchild 90% of the time. Tsunade had come to firmly believe that Orochimaru should not be left unsupervised around children. _Any_ children. The less said about the "using bad tempered venomous snake summons to change a crying baby's diaper" incident, the better.

"I'm sure he had a good reason for what he did," said Dan, for some inexplicable reason coming to Orochimaru's defense, though in truth the blue haired man didn't sound entirely convinced. "I mean how old is Kiyo-chan? Six? Seven?"

"Three," answered Tsunade flatly, glancing to the side so she could see her boyfriend's reaction. He did not disappoint. Dan went wide eyes, his mouth dropping open in horror at the thought of a literal toddler being recruited to work with dead bodies. Tsunade couldn't help but crack a small smile at the hilarious face he was making. For some reason, however, she didn't want him thinking 100% poorly of her teammate, even if Orochimaru probably couldn't be trusted to raise even a pet rock by himself without traumatizing it for life.

"Kiyo-chan is extremely intelligent and mature for her age," Tsunade said with a hint of defensiveness. Dan just turned to her and gave her an utterly disbelieving _look_. Tsunade looked away and shrugged, feeling a bit sheepish. Okay, so that defense had sounded a _lot_ better in her head.

Orochimaru's current residence was about a ten minute walk from the hospital, situated in an older commercial area that saw relatively little traffic from either ninja or civilians. It was a two story grey cinder block building that looked somewhat shabby and run down from the outside. If anything it looked more like an abandoned office building than a place where anyone lived.

"This is it?" asked Dan, a little bit bewildered that a ninja as strong and famous as Orochimaru would live in such a...drab place. And with his three year old daughter no less.

Tsunade didn't even look at the front door of the building, immediately stepping around and heading towards the back. "This building was once an ANBU facility before they got upgraded and moved to a new headquarters. The building you see on the surface is camouflage for the most part. There is a fairly extensive underground complex where they actually live."

By the look on Dan's face, Tsunade knew that he didn't think that made it in any way better.

They were soon in the back of the building which was situated in such a way that it was out of view of any casual observers. Moving like she owned the place Tsunade opened a heavy metal storm cellar door affixed to the floor and walked down a narrow set of stairs. Feeling just a hint of trepidation Dan followed after her and closed the heavy metal door behind them.

The complex underneath the office building _was_ fairly large, and Tsunade led him past at least a dozen doors and through a half dozen intersections of drab, cinder block hallway that was only occasionally lit by an anemic light bulb on the ceiling. To Dan the narrow underground passages felt claustrophobic and the air smelled heavily of the same chemical they used to clean and sterilize the hospital. A few times he even spotted what looked like signs of old fight and battles scarring the walls, old blade marks and what looked like jutsu damage that was never fully repaired. Former ANBU facility indeed.

At last they came to a metal door that didn't look any different from all the others that they had already passed. Tsunade pounded on the thick, heavy door three times, hard enough that the echoing sound reverberated ominously all around them. Then without a word she reached down and threw the door open before stepping right in.

"Momma!"

The childish cry of excitement and exuberance was almost shocking to Dan who had been half expecting someone in ANBU uniform to be sneaking up behind him. He watched, half bewildered, as a tiny, pale missile ran through the room and literally threw herself at Tsunade's waist with surprising strength. Tsunade seemed to expect something similar however as she bent down smoothly just in time to scoop the little projectile up, hoisting her up into her arms and holding her at her hip.

Tsunade frowned and glared at the little girl she was now holding. "Brat, how many times have I told you? Call me aunt if you have to. I am _not_ your mother."

The toddler in her arms, apparently not at all intimidated or deterred by Tsunade's reprimand, simply giggled as she smiled broadly up at the tall blonde. "But you're not my aunt, you're my Godmother. God _mother_. That makes you my mother, mommy."

Tsunade sighed, and it was the sigh of someone who'd had this argument many times before and didn't really expect to win. "You're a little terror, you know that? You should listen to your aunt Tsunade."

The girl blinked in confusion, her blue eyes almost ethereal in their paleness. "But I do listen to you, mommy."

Even though she was only three years old... yeah, Dan didn't buy the little girl's innocent act for a second. Neither did Tsunade if her reproachful look was anything to go by. However the small smile that kept threatening to form at the corner of her lips told Dan that maybe his girlfriend didn't mind as much as she pretended.

Oh, this was going to be _such_ good teasing material.

That was when the girl finally noticed him, turning her head in his direction. Her eyes were big, wide and curious, the unusual color of her eyes somehow highlighted even more by her pale skin and her chin length black hair. She looked at him in surprise him for a few moments before blinking and turning back to her... aunt? Godmother? Surrogate mother?

"Momma, who is he?"

Tsunade for her part, who seemed to have virtually forgotten Dan in the commotion, turned to look at him with an 'oh shit' look on her face and _blushed_. Dan couldn't help but grin at the sight. It wasn't something that he had ever seen before. How could he have? Who could have ever expected to see the famous and infamously tough Senju Tsunade to ever _blush_ from embarrassment like a... like a school girl or something?

If he'd still had any doubts that he'd been falling for her before, well, that heartwarming sight would have settled any and all arguments in his mind.

Tsunade for her part shot him a glare that promised very real, very extreme consequences if he dared to comment on the weakness she's just shown. When she was mostly convinced that he would behave himself she cleared her throat and turned back to the little girl in her arms. "Kiyo-chan, this is Kato Dan. He's a co-worker of mine."

Dan winced a little at being introduced like that. _Yeah, she's not very happy with me right now._ Putting that aside, he smiled brightly at the little girl in Tsunade's arms. "Hiya, Kiyo-chan! I'm very excited to meet you, I've heard a lot about you. If it's okay with you you can just call me Dan."

Her brow furrowed as she peered at him, examining him with an intensity that he wasn't used to from a three year old. After a few moments she bit her lip and motioned for him to come closer. Amused, Dan did as he was asked. Quite unexpectedly she reached out with one of her chubby little hands, grabbed a handful of his long hair and brought it close to her face, scrunching her eyes and examining his hair with intense concentration. It was all Dan could do not to laugh at the adorable expression she was making.

"Kiyo-chan," Tsunade said, chiding her lightly... but not really meaning it, as she seemed to be enjoying Dan's awkward predicament. Not that he particularly minded mind you.

After a few moments of looking at his hair and rubbing it in between her fingers her eyes widened, and she turned to look at him with something akin to shock on her face. "You don't dye it! Shinobi-san, you have really _really_ funny colored hair."

Her sudden declaration caused Tsunade to give out a surprised bark of laughter, and you know what? Dan couldn't help but start laughing himself. He wasn't the least bit offended. After all he knew what kids were like because he had... _had_ had... a little sister, after all.

"I'll admit it is a little bit unusual," Dan conceded with a small smile. "Blue hair runs in my family and my particular shade of blue is the lightest anyone in my family has ever seen."

"Can I take samples of it?" Kiyohime asked, bringing his hair up to her face again and looking at it like it might hold the secrets of the universe.

Dan was about to play along with her when a drawling, somewhat annoyed male voice interrupted them.

"Unless you have some sort of business here Tsunade, put her down and get out. If you just want to see her you can come back later. Kiyohime is supposed to be watching some samples for me."

At Orochimaru's words Kiyohime's eyes went wide with alarm. "Gah, that's right! I'm supposed to be watching the bunsen burners!"

The girl let go of his hair and instantly started squirming and struggling violently until Tsunade was forced to let her go. As soon as she landed on the ground Kiyohime took off at a run until she got to a lab table with five different burners heating glassware of various sizes and shapes, all filled with different liquids. The girl climbed onto a stool far too big for her, arranged herself in the full lotus position and began to watch the burners with an intensity that was frankly somewhat unsettling in a girl so young.

Dan took a moment to take a good look at the room they were currently in. It looked like a standard laboratory, with long worktables, good lighting and a lot of equipment that Dan only had a vague idea of what it was supposed to be for. There were a few oddities though, such as a stuffed penguin on the floor, a coloring book and some crayons on the far table, and what looked like the door to a large freezer in the back.

Or, considering what this place used to be, it was probably the door to a morgue. Dan hadn't forgotten why they were here and looking at that door just brought it to the forefront again. Looking at Kiyohime and having met her it was now more than a little unsettling to think about.

As for Orochimaru himself, the man was bent over a worktable looking into a microscope. He had not looked up even once since they had barged into his laboratory. Dan tried his best to always be patient and understanding, but even for him that level of rudeness was more than just a bit irritating.

Tsunade, as he had to come to expect from her, went with the direct route and got straight to the point of her visit. "What's this I've been hearing about you having Kiyo-chan help you with autopsies?"

"Now how would-... ah. Sensei told you no doubt," Orochimaru said dismissively.

"She's three years old Orochimaru!" Tsuande snapped. "Tell me, what the hell are you thinking?"

The man in question gave a small sigh before _finnally_ looking up from his microscope, looking grievously annoyed. "I was _thinking_ that there is no better way to teach her anatomy and physiology than a dissection."

"I picked out all the spinal nerves and got all of them right!" chimed in Kiyohime from where she was sitting, briefly turning to look at Tsunade with an expectant look of praise.

"I know you're a smart girl Kiyo-chan," she said to the girl a bit snappishly before turning back to Orochimaru. "However I'm not sure if the same applies to your father."

It was kind of painful to see Kiyohime's downcast expression at the dismissive praise... and it also wasn't very pleasant to watch her growing concern and distress on her face as she watched the two adults squaring off.

"I'm not sure what your problem is Tsunade. You of all people should be thrilled that I'm teaching her about the human body."

"There are **other ways** to teach a three year old about anatomy! She's just a little girl who at this stage of her development is easily traumatized. Use some goddamn restraint!"

"I did," Orochimaru answered dryly, starting to look dangerously annoyed. "It wasn't a live dissection."

By the way Tsunade clenched her fists and that one muscle in her jaw started jumping Dan was suddenly a hundred percent sure that this was about to devolve into an all out screaming match. Looking at the increasingly anxious Kiyohime, Dan made an executive decision. It might get him his head bitten off but he didn't think any kid should have to watch two of her caretakers going at each other in that way.

"Kiyo-chan," he said as he smoothly slid up to the girl with a smile, speaking loud enough to catch everyone's attention. "Why don't you and I go get some ice cream? And let these two sort out their differences in private."

"She's not going anywhere," Orochimaru said without ever breaking his staring contest with Tsunade. "She needs to watch the samples."

"You can watch your own damn samples for a while," retorted Tsunade while maintaining the same focused eye contact on her teammate. "You and I need to have a talk about what is and isn't an appropriate activity for a child."

Kiyohime looked torn and slightly panicked, looking back and forth between her two caretakers, clearly unsure as to which one she should be listening to. Dan decided to take the decision out of her hands. He picked her up and put her down gently on the ground, the girl letting out a surprised squeak in the process. When she looked up curiously at him with big, questioning eyes he just gave her a bright smile and grabbed her hand. "We better let these two talk in private. Come on, I know this great ice cream spot not too far from here."

Kiyohime still looked torn, looking back and forth between the two Sannin who seemed to be on the verge of a truly epic showdown of an argument, but she didn't fight him as he led her by the hand out the door. The yelling didn't resume until the heavy metal door was closed firmly behind them. At least they had been considerate enough to wait until Kiyohime had left the room to really start tearing into each other.

Kiyohime looked anxiously at the door as she listened to the muffled voices coming through from the other side. Dan tugged her along and began to walk back towards the exit, determined to take the little girl's mind off of what she had just seen. "So Kiyo-chan, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

000

Fifteen minutes later Kiyo-chan was happily devouring a double stacked cone of chocolate ice cream, somehow managing to get chocolate smeared all over her face. Thankfully once Dan had gotten her distracted enough with questions and ice cream she seemed to have forgotten all about her worry about the argument going on in the basement that doubled as her home. He led the two of them towards a small park nearby while he ate his own single scoop of vanilla ice cream at a much more sedate pace.

"Are you Momma's boyfriend?" the little girl asked him out of the blue as soon as they sat down on a bench shaded by a large tree.

It was a bit strange hearing this little girl call his girlfriend "Momma"... strange and strangely adorable too. Dan felt his cheeks warm a little as his mind inadvertently supplied him images of him and Tsunade making babies and creating a family of their own. _A little too soon for that._

Dan cleared his throat and addressed the little girl with him with a smile. "Well, yes, we've been dating for about four months now," he said, almost giddy at the thought. "How do you know about boyfriends Kiyo-chan? It doesn't seem like something that would come up much." _With your weird and somewhat creepy father, that is._

Kiyo paused to take a few bites out of her ice cream before answering him. "Nami-chan told me about them. She says she wants a boyfriend so she can get married and have babies and that will hopefully get her mother off her back about her being an old maid."

"I... see," said Dan with an eyebrow raised in amusement. "And who is Nami-chan again?"

"She's one of my nannies," Kiyohime said with a shrug and a half smile.

There was a moment of silence before Kiyo spoke again.

"So does that mean you and Momma are going to get married and have babies?" she asked inquisitively. "I don't want Momma to become an old maid."

Dan swallowed wrong, a blob of ice cream going down the wrong tube and sending him into a coughing fit.

"Though she's _my_ Momma," Kiyohime said seriously, sending him a warning glare and completely ignoring his bout of coughing. "If you try to take her away from me you'll be sorry."

A few seconds later Dan finally got his coughing fit under control. "Sorry about that," he said, clearing his throat. "You just caught me by surprise that's all."

Kiyohime looked at him curiously. "Why? You don't want to get married and make babies with Momma?"

 _Oh, this girl was going to be the death of me_. "It's not that. It's just that... well... people usually date a lot longer before they start thinking about stuff like that, that's all."

"Really?" the girl said with a tinge of excitement, in a tone of voice that implied she might have just made a fascinating new discovery. "How long?"

Dan scratched the back of his head, feeling increasingly uncomfortable about these type of questions... even if they were from a three year old as opposed to, say, his girlfriend's mother or something. Then again since this little girl obviously saw Tsunade as something of a mother figure then maybe... naw. She was way too young for the "what are your intentions" talk, even if it was clear that she was an unusually smart little girl.

"Oh you know... a year... a couple of years or more. There isn't any set time frame. It really just depends on what the couple decides," Dan said. There. Nice, safe answer that wouldn't get him in trouble with Tsunade if and when she eventually heard about this.

"You're not just stringing her along are you?" she said, suddenly peering up at him suspiciously.

If he'd been eating his ice cream in that moment he might have choked again.

"N-no! Of course not!" he denied on reflex, looking genuinely disquieted at the very suggestion. The things things Tsunade would do to him if she even _thought_ that was a possibility! "I really, genuinely care about your Momma!"

Kiyo peered at him suspiciously for an uncomfortably long time before she was apparently satisfied that he was telling the truth. With a dignified nod in his direction she turned back to her chocolate ice cream. "Good. Don't string her along. And _don't_ try to take her away from me, or you'll be sorry. In fact..." the girl said thoughtfully before trailing off.

Dan made the mistake of picking that moment to start eating his ice cream again.

"... in fact, if you try anything funny I'll tell Daddy and Momma that you touched me in a _bad_ place."

Once again the glob of ice cream went down the wrong tube and sent him into a massive coughing fit.

"I'm only telling you that because I remember that Daddy said that vague threats aren't as good as specific con _-se-_ quen-ses," Kiyohime said with a decisive nod, looking mighty pleased with herself. "Now if you screw up you'll know exactly what is going to happen."

Dan spent the rest of their outing together trying to explain to her why she shouldn't make those sorts of threats or false accusations.

To his horror, he couldn't say with a hundred percent certainty that he'd actually convinced her.

Dan never thought he'd be legitimately scared of what a three year old could do. There was a first time for everything, he supposed. He had only gotten a promise out of her to never say something like that after he had effectively more or less agreed to buy her free chocolate ice cream for life.

Blackmailed by a toddler. If anyone found out he would never, ever live that one down.

… Kiyohime _definitely_ needed to spend less time around cutthroat ninja. From what he understood of her situation she rarely – if ever – spent time with other kids her age. He certainly couldn't imagine _Orochimaru_ taking his daughter to play dates with other kids. Maybe he could suggest it to Tsunade? And he wouldn't really mind taking little Kiyo-chan if no one else was able to do it.

Even though the little girl had scared the daylights out of him... he liked her.

He liked all kids, and maybe Kiyo-chan needed a little more help most.

Maybe it was a little arrogant of him but he'd always thought "Uncle Dan" would have a nice ring to it, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

000

 **Chapter 3**

The Third Hokage, Saurtobi Hiruzen, was a man whose life was defined by the burden of responsibility. From the time he'd been a child his teachers, the First and Second Hokages, had made it clear that they were grooming him for the possibility of him taking the hat from them one day. Whether they'd always intended for him to be the one to inherit or if he had been the last man standing after different candidates had been considered had never been entirely clear to him, but although he couldn't deny being curious the answer was ultimately meaningless. A life of commitment to the privilege – and the burdens – of leadership were something he had never had any kind of say in.

Not that he had any complaints, mind you. He felt like he had never known anything else in his whole life and he accepted his place, embraced it for the sake of honoring the wishes of his teachers and for the sake of the village that was their legacy. Sarutobi Hiruzen would dedicated his entire life and would fight to his last breath for the sake of the village he was been entrusted with by those visionaries that came before him.

That did not mean, however, that carrying out his duties was in any way an easy thing. In fact he would go as far as to say that the pressures and burdens of the office of Hokage were extreme, every day filled with more demands of him than any one human could realistically fulfill in the scant twenty four hours allotted to each day. Granted things had not been so bad before the war. It of course made sense and was only natural that his job would be exponentially more difficult during times of conflict. However, the war had raged on with varying degrees of intensity for six years now and did not show signs of abating any time soon. Even a man as formidable as Sarutobi Hiruzen would eventually snap if he did not take a break once in a while. No matter how many reports from his spies and his teams out in the field were on his desk demanding his attention Hiruzen had made the difficult choice to listen to the advice of the best doctor in the village – his own student – and made sure to take at least one afternoon off every month. It always made him feel guilty to do so, no matter how much logic told him would improve his ability to carry out his duties in the long term. However Hiruzen at least tried not to let his own personal feelings get in the way of what was best for the village.

So on that particular day Hiruzen left his office at noon with clear instructions to his staff on how to reach him in case of an emergency or something else that simply couldn't wait. Then he went to do what he had started doing on the precious little time off he had to himself since this damnable war had started. Cloaking himself in a concealment genjutsu so his presence would go ignored and wouldn't cause a ruckus, Hiruzen took his time and went on a nice leisurely stroll around the village that he had devoted his whole life to protect.

Walking around the village completely incognito was an activity that Hiruzen had come to appreciate as of late. He found that simply watching the citizens of Konoha go on about their lives in (relative) safety and generally good cheer did wonders for his mood... and, more importantly, it also did wonders for reinforcing his commitment to preserving their way of life. It was, after all, good to be in touch with that which you were protecting even as the office of the Hokage seemed almost designed to distance him average citizens going about their day to day lives. It wasn't a situation he was all that happy with. Shinobi or civilian, for better or for worse, every person that lived in the village was ultimately his responsibility.

After wandering though the market district for the better part of an hour to wherever his feet would lead him, spending the time simply watching people and noting the small tentative smiles on their faces return as the lull in the war dragged on, he happened upon a playground situated in a small park. In it he came across a group of small children running around playing "ninja", something that was a common enough sight across Konoha. However something else caught his eye however that wasn't quite so typical. Sitting on a bench some distance away from the children was none other than little Kiyohime, looking at the children playing with a much too mature look on her face, a look of both thoughtfulness and boredom marring her features.

Kiyohime. Now there was an oddity that Hiruzen at one point would have loudly declared to be impossible.

Out of his three students Hiruzen would never in a thousand years have put money on Orochimaru being the first one to have a child. However truth, as they said, was stranger than fiction because at least fiction had to make some kind of sense. Hiruzen shook his head with an amused turn to his lips. Even four years after her birth there was still a small lingering sense of disbelief in him at the whole scenario. The thought of Orochimaru having a family was still one that was somewhat surreal. Thankfully though his most talented student seemed to have managed things well enough all things considered.

It suddenly occurred to Hiruzen that although he had met Kiyohime a fair number of times during her short life he didn't really know her very well at all. Thinking about it he decided that was something he needed to correct. After all, from a very early age Kiyohime had shown signs of being a genius, one that showed as much promise as any other ninja that he could name within recent memory... no small praise coming from him by any means. Plus there was the issue of who her parents were. Her father was Orochimaru and Tsunade had essentially become the girl's mother in all but name (and Tsunade _did_ act like her mother, no matter how much or how loudly the woman denied it). It wouldn't be unusual to expect little Kiyohime to become one of his top ninja inside a decade. Getting to know her a bit better and further planting the seeds of her personal loyalty and affection would certainly not go amiss in this case.

His mind made up, the Hokage walked in the little girl's direction. With an effort of will he changed the genjutsu around himself so that only she would be able to see him. Kiyohime didn't notice his presence until he was pretty standing next to her. She jumped a little in surprise and looked up at him with an open expression of disbelief when she finally noticed him standing there. Hiruzen chuckled a bit at her expression and put on a kindly face for the sake of the child.

"Do you mind if I sit here for a few minutes, Kiyo-chan?" Hiruzen asked, indicating the seat next to her.

Her surprised expression turned to one of confusion as she stopped staring at him and looked around them. Hiruzen could practically see the gears turning in her head as none of the other children in the park reacted to his presence... he wouldn't have been exactly hard to miss, dressed in the red and white robes and the iconic hat with the kanji for "Fire" of his office. She shot him a squinty eyed suspicious look for a moment before shrugging.

"M'kay," she said, before turning back to watching the children, her legs kicking back and forth as children were wont to do. As Hiruzen sat down Kiyohime produced two lollipops from the pockets of the little red shorts she was wearing. She unwrapped one of them and stuck it in her mouth before holding the other one out to him.

"Want one?" she asked him with an expectant look on her face.

Hiruzen smiled politely and shook his head. "No thank you. I'm not one that's much for sweets I'm afraid."

The girl looked slightly disappointed but just shrugged and stuck the extra lollipop back in her pocket. "Not liking sweets is weird, but whatever. I'll share something salty with you next time."

Hiruzen made an amused sound of acknowledgment but said nothing else for the time being. They sat together in silence for a short while. It was always a bit novel when someone didn't seem at all intimidated or in awe of him and the office he held. Certainly it was a nice change of pace as he had never been a fan of the overly deferential treatment that came part and parcel with his current station. If anything Kiyohime was acting like he was a family friend or something... which, from her perspective, he supposed that might not be too far off the mark.

"So," began Hiruzen after a minute of peaceful silence. "I must admit I was surprised to find you sitting here."

"Really?" Kiyohime asked as she sucked on her lollipop, sounding genuinely puzzled. "How come?"

"Well, not so much here in the park," Hiruzen elaborated before gesturing at the children playing not too far away. "But here on this bench. I would have thought you would be playing with the other kids."

Kiyohime frowned at that. "That's because they are playing ninja. I don't like that game. Playing ninja is _stupid_ ," she said, with a fierce vehemency and surety that could only come from a young child.

"Really?" said Hiruzen, feeling genuinely surprised. "They were playing ninja even back when I was a boy. I'm told its a favorite of almost every kid, no matter their background."

Kiyohime made a face at that. "Well most kids are dumb, then. I don't see a point in playing it."

"Oh, it's not that bad," mused Hiruzen, somewhat amused by her vehemence. "It's only natural since most kids dream of being a ninja at one point or another. Before you become a ninja for real I feel it is a good thing to have fun with the idea and make some good memories."

"Well then it's, like, twice as dumb for me then," Kiyohime said decisively, crossing her arms in a way that made her look petulant. "Because I dee- _fin_ -e-tly don't want to be a ninja."

Hiruzen couldn't help but feel a surge of surprise and alarm shoot through him at the little girl's confident declaration. His eyes sharpened on her as she kept her eyes firmly on the playing kids. Given her parentage, and the times they lived in, there was no possible way the village could allow a potential resource like Kiyohime go to waste. Even if she didn't know it yet one way or the other the little girl next to him _would_ become a ninja. However if for some bizarre, incomprehensible reason she was to become dead set against the idea... well, that sort of thing had the potential to cause large problems all around.

"Really?" said Hiruzen, making sure to sound nothing more than curious and indulgent. "I must admit I did not expect to hear that from you Kiyo-chan. If you don't want to be a ninja, then what do you want to be?"

The girl turned her head to look at him then. She looked at him in the eye with an expression far too serious on the face of a four year old child. Her ghostly pale blue eyes radiated conviction. He might have actually taken her a bit more seriously then if it wasn't for the lollipop stick hanging out of the corner of her mouth.

"I want to be a researcher," Kiyohime said with all the gravity her tiny four year old self could muster.

At her declaration Hiruzen felt himself relax, finally understanding where her seeming reluctance was coming from. It made sense really. The war had been largely slow burn with the occasional flare up for the last couple of years. In that time both of Kiyohime's parental figures – Orochimaru and Tsunade – had spent most of their time in the village doing research in their respective fields. From Kiyohime's very limited point of view it would have to seem that the two of them were researchers first and ninja only a distant second. It was only natural that a child would want to emulate those she saw as her parents. He was sure that her skewed perception of the situation would naturally be corrected in time.

"You can't be a researcher unless you are a ninja," Hiruzen pointed out to her, not unkindly. "But I'm sure you will be brilliant at whatever you set your mind to Kiyo-chan... researcher or otherwise."

She frowned at him for a few moments before shrugging and rolling her eyes at him. "Sure thing old man. Whatever you say."

Hiruzen's eyes widened a bit at that. He was not old! "Now Kiyo-chan," he gently chided her. "It's not very polite to address others that way."

"But uncle Jiya calls you that," she said to him, sounding genuinely puzzled. "It's always 'the old man this' and 'the old man that'. If it's rude, why would he do it?"

It took him a moment to figure out that "uncle Jiya" was actually Jiraiya. Maybe her nickname for him because she had a hard time pronouncing his name? Silently he cursed his most troublesome student in his mind. It was one thing to be disrespectful, it was another to pass those same habits down to the next generation.

"You shouldn't emulate Jiraiya without running it by Tsunade first, Kiyo-chan," he told her in a tone that was just a bit long suffering. "He is a good man but he has some... questionable habits. Be careful what you learn from him."

If anything Kiyo-chan looked even more puzzled by this. "But I want to learn from him. He's really smart!"

"That he is Kiyo-chan, in his own way," agreed Hiruzen. Before he could add anything else the little girl interrupted him.

"I overheard him say he does a lot of research," she said earnestly with a serious look on her face. "I was going to ask him to teach me. I want to learn to do research like uncle Jiya, too!"

Images of Jiraiya taking Orochimaru's four year old daughter peeping and teaching her the finer points of his particular brand of "research" floated through his mind. He wasn't sure if he should laugh, cringe, or worry that Tsunade would actually kill one of his very best ninja on principle if she ever learned that Kiyohime was interested in Jiraiya's "research".

He should probably make it clear that Jiraiya's "research" wasn't what she had in mind.

Then again, the girl was way too smart and inquisitive for her own good. There was no way he was getting dragged into a "birds and the bees" talk over this with a four year old. It simply wasn't worth the risk.

Jiraiya would simply have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

In an uncharacteristic pique of petty revenge at Jiraiya calling him "old man" behind his back, Hiruzen turned to the girl with a broad smile on his face. "Say Kiyo-chan, I was wondering if you could do something for me."

"Hmmm?" she hummed from around her lollipop.

"Jiraiya's research is very... unique. To help you better understand it I think you should have your father and Tsunade in the room when you ask him to explain it to you. Try to make it a surprise though. Jiraiya does tend to get so _very_ enthusiastic when discussing his research, you wouldn't want to spoil that for him by giving him any advance warning after all."

Kiyo-chan peered at him suspiciously, and Hiruzen suddenly found himself wandering if he'd underestimated her intelligence. She seemed to mull it over for a few seconds while loudly crunching the piece of candy in her mouth. The little girl peered at him with narrowed eyes before holding out one of her pudgy little hands at him with all of her fingers spread.

"Five bags," she said simply.

Hiruzen was a little taken aback by that. "What?"

"Five bags of lollipops," she said in that cutely serious way of hers. "That's my price. Five bags of lollipops and I'll wait until daddy and momma are in the room before asking uncle Jiya about his research." A thoughtful pause. "And that's my final offer."

Hiruzen was a little startled by this. He... he didn't think a four year old had ever tried to shake down the Hokage before. The thought caused the edge of his lips to twitch up in a smile. _The sheer nerve_. Adopting a mock stern face, he peered down at the girl seriously. "If I accept your proposal and pay for your services, I expect your mission to be carried out with the utmost seriousness and professionalism. Do you think you can do that Kiyo-chan?"

A serious glint came into her eyes and she did a very sloppy imitation of a military salute. "Yes, sir, Hokage-sama, sir. You can count on me!"

"Very good," he said with a nod and a serious tone. "In that case I'll see that your payment is delivered to you tomorrow."

"I want one of the bags to be completely grape flavored."

"With one completely grape flavored bag, of course," said Hiruzen with a solemn nod. "Will there be anything else?"

Kiyohime bit her lip as she seemed to think it over before shaking her head vigorously, sending her chin length black hair flying everywhere. "Nope."

"Well, then I think it's time I take my leave," said Hiruzen, rising from his seat. His serious expression broke into a smile and he patted the girl on the head. She seemed surprised by this, peering up at him curiously.

"Take care Kiyo-chan, and don't forget your mission. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other in the future," he said with his very best warm and reassuring smile.

For once her seemingly endless courage seemed to falter, ducking her head and hiding her face shyly behind her hair. "Okay. And I won't forget. You'll see."

He withdrew his hand and nodded in satisfaction. "Goodbye then Kiyo-chan."

"Bye."

000

Several weeks later Hiruzen got a report of Tsunade punching Jiraiya out a fourth story window in one of the research labs at the hospital. According to the incident report, a conversation between the three Sannin and Orochimaru's daughter devolved into the Slug Princess and a number of large snakes making Jiraiya's life a painful hell for the better part of the afternoon.

 _Oh, yeah. I've still got it._


	4. Chapter 4

000

 **Chapter 4**

"Tsunade-sama? The top three candidates are here to see you."

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork, looking up to see one of the newer staff nurses peeking her head through her open office door. There was a frown on her face that visibly seemed to make the young woman nervous, though in truth the expression on her face had nothing to do with the nurse who was simply passing on some information. Her sour look was a combination of being overworked, overstressed, tired of being cooped up in an office with one tiny window and the fact that she was nursing a mild hangover from the night before. Yeah, she'd made her major hangover into a minor one after a rather spontaneous wild night with Dan, but that didn't mean that it wasn't enough to send her general mood plummeting.

"There are only two chairs in here. Why don't you fetch another one before sending them in..." Tsunade struggled briefly to remember her name. "... Kiko-chan." Seeing that she wasn't exactly putting the young nurse at ease Tsunade made an effort to sort-of... ease up on her frown. There might have been some vague upwards-ish movement of her lips. A smile felt a bit beyond her right now. "I'd really appreciate it."

The girl seemed almost star struck for a moment before swallowing and nodding hastily. "O-of course. Right away Tsunade-sama," she stammered out before quickly leaving. Tsunade let out a little sigh, feeling somewhat bemused despite herself. The new, younger members of the medical staff there at the hospital always seemed to look at her with nothing but stars in their eyes nowadays. They'd get over it eventually, she figured. Nothing like treating bona fide war heroes day in and day out to help you get over a mild case of misplaced hero worship.

Not even two minutes later the Kiko was back, placing a matching chair next to the other two already in front of her desk. Then with a deferential nod she left to fetch the top three scorers. Briefly rubbing her eyes in a futile attempt to ease the tension out of them Tsunade then put away the reports she had been working on and pulled out three files that had been delivered to her earlier that morning.

Ogata Hanae. Nara Sadako. Kitigawa Masako. Seeing as the war had taken a toll on the number of fully trained medics, several months before Tsunade in conjunction with the current director of the hospital had made the decision to put out a call for ninja in the regular forces to try out for Iryou-nin training. The screening process had been a brutal crash course in memorization of fundamental medical knowledge and testing of their chakra control. Of the dozens of candidates that had tried out only these three had made the cut, with Kitigawa easily being the highest scoring of the three. A disappointingly small number of applicants turned out to be qualified but then again Tsunade had not really been expecting much. Given that since she'd been in the upper administration of the hospital they had gotten pretty aggressive about going after anyone who showed even a scrap of medical talent they were probably lucky to have gotten that many.

Tsunade went over what she knew about them. Three female Chuunin, all of them with at least a couple of years of field experience. All three were intelligent and loyal but had never distinguished themselves in any particular way. Tsunade allowed herself to feel a tiny bit of optimism. Maybe working with what seemed like three relatively blank canvases would make them somewhat less tedious and irritating than the average students the director forced her way.

A few moments later there was a polite knock at the door. Time to get this over with and get them started. Easy.

"Come in."

Kiko let in the three women who all looked to be somewhere in their late teens. Tsunade observed them closely as they filed in and one by one they politely bowed to her before introducing themselves. As they sat themselves down in the chairs in front of her desk... well, that was when Tsunade spotted it.

It was the smile that gave her away, just a fraction too immobile and doll like to really seem natural. Right away Tsunade ignored the other two and focused in on the one seated on the far right. Short brown hair and prettier than average, she sat modestly with her knees together and to the side, that smile plastered fully on her face. Tsunade "recognized" her by her photo as Kitigawa Masako, the highest scoring member in this little group. Now that her suspicions were roused however there was no way "Masako" was going to get away with attempting to pull this kind of crap under her scrutiny.

"What do you think you're doing?" Tsunade questioned almost-sweetly with a dangerous smile, glaring holes straight through "Masako".

The other two in the room blinked and adopted puzzled looks before turning their heads to look at "Masako". For her part the smile of the girl in question just grew a fraction more fakely bright and cheery. "W-what do you mean Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade had no patience for this bullshit. "Drop the illusion," she demanded forcefully and without subtlety.

"I-illusion?" stuttered "Masako," her big fake smile somehow getting even bigger and faker looking. The other two girls had already started edging away from her, suspicion marring their brows as their hands subtly drifted towards their weapons. "Masako-chan doesn't know what Tsunade-sama means, Masako-chan is a good gir-"

Yeah, Tsunade was feeling irritated and so _done_ with this jerkoff. "Masako" had better have a hell of an explanation or she was going straight into a T&I cell with half her bones turned to powder. Too fast for anyone in the room to follow Tsunade grabbed a pen from her desk and threw it like a senbon at "Masako's" forehead, throwing it with enough force behind it to give anyone struck by it a concussion.

Her target registered surprise on her face before the projectile struck home... and hit absolutely nothing as the Henge was forcefully dispelled. The other two kunoichi in the room looked on in utter bewilderment as the Chuunin disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to be replaced with a tiny little dark haired girl who was now practically swimming in the clothes "Masako" had been wearing. Tsunade felt a moment of shock, then a moment of panic as she realized who she could have very nearly just hurt, before finally her emotions slowly settled into a feeling of simmering anger and displeasure.

"Kiyohime-chan," Tsunade said sweetly between gritted teeth. "I hope you have a good explanation for this."

Tsunade ignored the other two now openly gaping Chuunin in favor of focusing all of her attention on little Kiyo-chan. The little girl frowned and crossed her arms, the motion looking ridiculous since the sleeves she was wearing hung comically long off her arms. "How else was I supposed to get you to teach me medical jutsu and techniques, Momma?"

"Momma?!" one of the Chuunin blurted out in an incredulous, high pitched voice. Tsunade ignored her and kept her attention solely on her Goddaughter (whom she had finally stopped futilely asking to call her aunt instead of mother about a year before).

"I've already told you Kiyo-chan," Tsunade said with forced patience. "I'm not letting you learn anything but theory until you at least become a Genin. Those are the rules, remember?"

"But that's stupid!" Kiyohime exploded, jumping to her feet on top of the chair she'd been sitting on, mulish indignation etched into every line of her tiny body. "How come they get to learn and I don't?" she demanded, pointing a finger at the other two Chuunin in the room without deigning to look at them. "I'm way more smarter and more qualified than those two cows. My tests scores say so!"

"Hey!" cried out the kunoichi who had remained silent to this point, both in bewilderment and indignation at suddenly being insulted and talked down to by a tiny little girl.

Tsunade closed her eyes and rubbed her temples in frustration. It was a sad state of affairs when her six year old daugh- _Goddaughter_ somehow managed to be more intellectually and chakra control qualified than the dozens of Genin and Chuunin who had tried to get into the program... assuming Kyo-chan hadn't cheated on the tests, which Tsunade doubted. That little girl was too proud of her brains to ever do something like _that_. Besides that Kiyohime had always had a curiously odd inclination towards honesty.

Indeed, Tsunade was certain that Kiyohime would not have cheated as she _somehow_ managed to impersonate a Chuunin for Kami knows how many weeks now, probably. The sad irony of it all was that Kiyohime would make for a perfect student in a lot of ways. She only needed to hear or see things once or twice at the very most before she remembered anything that was placed before her. Not only that but she was wickedly smart and creative and even beyond that, she was almost insatiably curious about everything medical and science related. Kiyohime had been called a genius by more than one person and Tsunade, grudgingly, could not find any reason to disagree.

However, there was more to being a med-nin or even a doctor than raw brain power and prodigious chakra control. Tsunade was very far from convinced that Kiyohime currently had the maturity required to responsibly study how to treat people hands-on. As much as it secretly thrilled her that Kiyohime was so eager to learn medicine from her, the professional doctor and kunoichi in her knew that it was currently a terrible idea.

Still, it would be awkward to have to explain all _that_. Better and easier to just hide behind the rule that stated only Genin could receive that training... not that she couldn't get an exemption to that rule if she wanted to in a hot minute. Perks of being a student of the Hokage.

"The answer is still no," said Tsunade firmly, before swiftly diverting the conversation in another direction. "How did you even manage to create a fake identity that could pass hospital scrutiny in the first place?"

"It wasn't a fake identity," Kiyo-chan said, crossing her arms with an air of impatience. "It was simply a little identity theft. I overheard Uncle Jiya saying that Kitigawa Masako was a drunk booze hound but that she made up for it by being a wild party animal and that since she was on leave for a while so the two of them 'were going to be having a lot of fun together for the foreseeable future'. Since she was going to be busy anyway I figured it wouldn't be a big deal if I borrowed her face and did something productive with it."

The two kunoichi were now openly gaping at Kiyo-chan once again while the girl continued to ignore them. Tsunade for her part was feeling the relatively minor discomfort from her hangover quickly becoming a major headache once again. It belatedly occurred to her Kiyo-chan had just inadvertently admitted to breaking at least half a dozen laws. Immediately Tsunade turned the force of her displeasure on the two Chuunin still sitting in her office, the two of them flinching and turning to stare at her with frightened eyes as they felt the sheer intensity of her gaze fall on them. "Out," Tsunade ordered with a growl. "And if either of you utters a single word about anything that you've seen or heard today I'll ruin your careers and see you deployed to all of the heaviest fighting on the front until you come home in a body bag. Do I make myself clear?"

After a couple of very hastily uttered "Hai Tsunade-sama"'s the two of them couldn't leave the room fast enough, nearly tripping over each other in their haste to get out. That left Tsunade alone with a snake-eyed little girl, standing on top of a chair in ridiculously oversized clothes with a stubborn and unapologetic tilt to her chin. Tsunade knew that Kiyo-chan could be very willful and in most cases she thought of that as a good quality to have. But there was such a thing as going too far.

"Momma, this is totally unfair. I'm more than qualified to-"

" _Be. Silent,"_ Tsunade interrupted her sternly in a tone that brooked absolutely no argument, using what Dan jokingly referred to as her "mom voice" and giving Kiyo-chan an intense, piercing glare that promised serious consequences if she did not obey.

Kiyohime's rebellious look quickly morphed into that particular surprised look of apprehension and fear all kids seemed to get when they realized they'd screwed up and gotten into _serious_ trouble with their parents. Her pale, slitted eyes went from squinting in displeasure to widening to almost comical proportions as she started to realize just how unhappy Tsunade was with her right now. The blonde doctor could practically see her heart start to race faster in her tiny chest.

"Sit. Down."

Kiyohime's butt practically teleported to the chair.

Tsunade took a moment to deliberate on what she wanted to say. It was probably better to start with the most important things first, such as why impersonating a Konoha shinobi was absurdly dumb thing to do for a whole host of different reasons, not the least being the legality of such a stupid act... but Tsunade never enjoyed being the disciplinarian with Kiyohime, even if the role seemed to fall on her much more than on anyone else. Better to save that for last.

"So," began Tsunade, her tone still very far from happy. "How did you manage to impersonate a Chuunin well enough to fool the hospital staff?"

Kiyohime fidgeted uncomfortably and wouldn't meet her eyes. "It's no big deal," she muttered in a low voice.

Tsunade just leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. It took only a handful of seconds until the girl broke.

"I got her ninja registration number... and that was all that I needed really," Kiyohime said into her belly button.

"How did you get it?"

Kiyohime fidgeted uncomfortably but in the end answered, still avoiding eye contact. "I followed uncle Jiya with the girl to a bar. Then when she was really drunk I picked her pocket."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at that. "You managed to pickpocket an experienced Chuunin?"

Kiyohime bit her lip, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of her mouth seemingly against her will. "She was really, _really_ drunk."

Tsunade closed her eyes, thinking that the headache she currently had wasn't likely to get better anytime soon. "And her registration number?"

Kiyohime shrugged her thin shoulders. "It was in her wallet."

 _Of course it was._ A written record of your registration number wasn't something you were supposed to keep after you memorized it, let alone keep it in your wallet. So far everything she had heard was not painting a flattering picture of the real Kitigawa Masako. Tsunade planned on letting her direct supervisor know that she'd been compromised by a six year old and let the subsequent fallout fall where it may.

"And the hospital staff?" asked Tsunade, dreading the answer.

Kiyohime shrugged casually again as she played with the hem of her shirt. "They were really nice to me."

 _So not one of them noticed a little girl in a Henge._ Tsunade felt embarrassed on behalf of and pissed off at her staff, and somewhat upset with herself. They were currently at war. Clearly security procedures would need to be re-evaluated if the medical ninja on staff could not so much as spot a Henge. Though the oversized clothing to help sell the realism of the illusion had been a nice touch.

Deciding she had learned enough, and silently compiling a mental list of whose asses she needed to ream as soon as soon as she got the opportunity, Tsunade decided to switch tracks.

"Why are you so insistent on learning medical jutsu and techniques, Kiyo-chan?" Tsunade asked her, genuinely curious as to her motives.

"Because I'm more than ready for it," Kiyohime insisted, her voice quietly stubborn.

Tsunade just raised a skeptical eyebrow at that.

Kiyohime pouted, and even though she really wasn't happy with the girl right now it was still adorably cute. "I don't see why not. Daddy is already letting me work on my first independent research project you know."

"Is he really?" Tsunade asked her calmly, though on the inside she was actually very surprised. This was the first time she had heard of this.

Kiyohime fidgeted guiltily with the hem of her overly large shirt. "Well, its more like semi-independent. But he's still letting me make most of the big decisions!"

Despite being angry at the stunt Kiyohime had just pulled, Tsunade couldn't help but feel both proud and concerned about this new development. "Sounds exciting," Tsunade said with a genuine small smile, being mindful to sound supportive. The last thing she wanted to do was discourage Kiyohime's passion for science and discovery. "What did you decide to research, exactly?"

Suddenly Kiyohime's whole face lit up with a smile and she started wiggling in her chair like she had to go to the bathroom, but it was really from all the excitement she was feeling. "I always thought it was weird and cool how with medical chakra you can transfer organs, limbs and just about anything else from one person to another with negligible rates of rejection after the initial treatments. However I was really shocked to realize no one had ever tried to see if you could graft animal bits onto humans and vice-versa. Right now me and daddy are just trying to determine if viable and stable inter-species tissue transfers are even a possibility."

It was still shocking sometimes to hear Kiyohime speak with such eloquence. With a pang she remembered her little brother Nawaki, and how at Kiyohime's age they'd still had stop him from eating his own boogers. However she remembered that Orochimaru had also been obscenely mature and intelligent for his age when he was young. That Kiyohime seemed to be even _more_ advanced than her father had been at such a young age was unusual but not at all outside of the realm of what was possible. Extraordinary abilities tended to run in families after all.

"And this research project of yours... is that why you are so insistent on learning medical techniques?"

Kiyohime nodded enthusiastically. "That's a big part of it, yeah."

Tsunade thought about it. It made sense, really. Kiyohime would be rather constrained in what she could do if she could not directly attempt to properly graft the tissues together herself. The best she might be able to do by herself would be surgically stitching two different tissues together and administering the inferior anti-rejection drugs and hoping for the best.

Too bad Tsunade was unlikely to change her mind about teaching her anytime soon. Kiyohime would just have to ask for her help or for her father's rather more limited medical expertise if she wanted to try sticking pigeon wings on a rat to see what happened. Regardless of what Orochimaru might think, just because Kiyohime was capable of doing something did not mean she was ready to handle the responsibility.

Her mind moved on from the technical details that such research might entail to the potential that might ultimately be found down such an avenue of inquiry. Certainly it wasn't difficult to imagine possible combat applications in the future. It was no secret that pound for pound many animals were dramatically stronger than humans. Many animals also possessed natural weapons such as claws and venom sacks. The possibility of a shinobi being able to secrete the poison of a Box Jellyfish from their skin, for example, was an exciting prospect to contemplate to say the least. Creating hybrid animals to better serve some military purpose could also be incredibly useful. Something such as stronger and sturdier messenger birds that might actually stand a chance of not being immediately killed by enemy shinobi that spot them, for example, was also an intriguing possible future avenue of exploration to consider.

"That's pretty fascinating," said Tsunade with a smile, feeling herself warm to the topic. "What did you have in mind to accomplish with this research, if you don't mind me asking?"

Kiyohime smiled a bit nervously before speaking. "Well... I want to give myself kitty ears."

And just like that Tsunade's smile dropped off her face, replaced with a look disbelief. "What?"

"Kitty ears," Kiyohime said again, with more confidence this time. "I think it'd be cute and awesome to give myself kitty ears, so I want to figure out how to do it."

"You're not giving yourself cat ears," Tsunade replied firmly after a pause, in a voice that was both immovable in its conviction and high pitched by the incredulity of what was coming out of her mouth.

Kiyohime's face scrunched up in displeasure and she crossed her arms rebelliously. "Why not? It's my body. I can do what I want with it."

"Oh no you most certainly can not," Tsunade said with a firmness that surprised even her. "I swear if I even for _one second_ suspect that you want to learn medical skills from me for something as ridiculous as giving yourself cat ears I'll make sure no one in the whole of Fire Country will ever teach you a damn thing about medical jutsu."

Kiyohime gasped and looked positively shocked. "You wouldn't," she breathed.

Tsunade just gave her a very flat, very dry look.

Kiyohime for her part was already starting to look a little desperate. "But daddy said it was okay!"

The blonde blinked at that before speaking very slowly and deliberately. "If your father actually told you that you could go and get cat ears grafted onto your head I'm literally going to go rip _his_ head off from his shoulders."

Kiyohime looked alarmed before speaking very fast. "Uh, I mean what he _actually_ said was that I could do whatever I wanted when I was an adult. Which is not the same thing. Or it is. I'm not sure?"

Tsunade just looked at Kiyohime while she let that sink in. Sure, that stance by Orochimaru sounded reasonable and responsible enough on paper... until you remembered that in Konoha any active duty ninja was legally considered to be an adult. Kiyohime was due to start in the academy in just a few months' time and brilliant as she was it would be only a couple of years at the most before she graduated as a freshly minted Genin. Then she'd have an eight year old "adult" on her hands who now might still want to modify her body with animal parts because it would be "awesome" and "cute".

Without another word, Tsunade reached for the bottom drawer of her desk where she kept her emergency stash of sake. _Headache and hangover be damned,_ she thought as she pulled the contents out of her desk. Pouring herself sake in a small cup Tsunade tossed back three shots in quick succession.

"Momma?" asked Kiyohime, looking worried.

Feeling a slight buzz coming on already Tsunade slowed down and gently sipped from her fourth cup before speaking. "I don't get it. Why by all that the Sage holds sacred would you want to replace your perfectly working beautiful human ears with the ears of a cat?"

"Of course I don't want to replace my ears," Kiyohime said indignantly, as if suddenly _she_ was the one who was talking crazy. "I just want to place them on top of my head. Like this, see?" Kiyohime then proceeded to hold up the three middle fingers of each of her hands and then placed them on top of her head.

Tsunade looked at her dau- _Goddaughter_ with a look of bewildered disbelief before quickly downing the cup in her hands and refilling it up once again. "Kiyo-chan, I love you, but if you ever graft cat ears or a dog tail or a beaver nose or anything else onto yourself before you make Jounin so help me I will hold you down and rip them all off of you myself."

Kiyo-chan took that in before she squinted her eyes in what looked like deep thought, weighing the pros and cons of what Tsunade had just said.

"Sooo... if I agree to wait... will you teach me medical jutsu...?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes and gave Kiyohime a tired, fond smile. "Tell you what. When you make Genin I'll start teaching you medical jutsu," not like Sensei would allow her to put it off more at that point anyway. "In addition to that I promise I'll start teaching you everything I know. _Everything_. You, on the other hand, have to promise to listen to me and to not make any decisions about altering your body without talking it through with other people first. And _not_ until you make Jounin." Hopefully that would be enough time for her to grow better sense in that head of hers. "Do we have a deal?"

Kiyo-chan's eyes squinted even further as she ran the mental calculus in her head. Tsunade had to give credit where it was due, Kiyohime rarely if ever broke a promise or agreement so the blonde doctor knew that she was always careful before giving her word. After a handful of minutes of deliberation, however, Kiyohime turned to her and gave her a lopsided little smile.

"Okay Momma. You win. You've got yourself a deal. Though I still think I would look, like, totally awesome with kitty ears."

000

Ten minutes later they had mostly worked everything out and Tsunade realized she needed to kick Kiyohime out so she could get back to work. Extracting a promise that Tsunade would visit her the next day Kiyohime walked for the door of the office with a skip in her step and a broad smile on her face. It was almost too bad that such a cheery smile was there because Tsunade needed to do one more thing before the girl left.

When her hand reached the doorknob Tsunade spoke up.

"Oh Kiyo-chan," Tsunade said, her voice a low, dangerous purr that suddenly had every hair on Kiyohime's body standing on end.

Reluctantly, Kiyohime half turned back to the other occupant of the office with a feeling of dread growing in her stomach. "Yes, Momma?"

Tsunade pinned the increasingly uneasy girl with an intense, piercing stare that made her heart flutter nervously. The woman allowed the room fill with just a _hint_ of her malicious intent, causing Kiyohime's legs to start shaking to the point that if she hadn't been holding on to the doorknob she might have fallen to the floor. But the worst was her smile. It was like the smile of the Devil itself, a smile that was nothing more than thinly veiled promise of pain and torment.

Kiyohime had never been so terrified in her short life.

"Kiyo-chan," Tsunade spoke slowly and deliberately to the girl, that horrible smile never leaving her face. "If you _ever_ impersonate another Konoha shinobi again... I will bend you over my knee and spank you so hard that you will not be able walk for days. I will prohibit anyone from healing you. Then I will have your dad take away all your stuffed animals, all of your books and all of your lab privileges until you become a legal adult. And those are the _least_ of the things that I will do to you if you pull a similar stunt ever again."

Kiyohime could do nothing but stare, hardly daring to breathe, like a hare caught in the gaze of an infinitely superior predator. It was horrible. She could practically see the things her Momma was describing flashing before her eyes.

"Do I make myself clear?"

Kiyohime could do nothing but shakily nod her head.

"Good. Let's hope we never have to have this conversation again. I'll see you tomorrow. Dismissed."

The girl fled as fast as she could, glad that the oversized dark clothes she was wearing did a decent job of hiding the growing stain in her pants.


End file.
